Bliss Business

The Gift of Listening

Richard Brooke — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Ever been chatting with someone and, before you can even finish your sentence, they interrupt to share their own thought or finish yours for you? Or perhaps you are in the middle of making an important point and their attention is pulled away as they check their ringing cell phone, send an email or reply to a text message. We’ve all watched someone we are talking to nod and even mutter “uh huh” – knowing all the while they didn’t really hear a word we just said.

These are conversations that leave people feeling unheard and unimportant, and they happen to all of us every day. In fact, most of us are guilty on a regular basis of listening to others in this same way.

You have all heard the cliché about why humans have two ears and only one mouth. The level at which I intend to encourage you to listen here, would require that cliché to be updated to a ratio of four or five ears to one mouth. If you think about how easy it is to offend someone with your mouth and how impossible it is to offend someone with your ears … well, you get the point.

Listening at the level described here is a discipline and an art that will pay big dividends in your personal relationships and in your business endeavors.

When you practice this level of listening, you will provide people around you with a gift that they have rarely been given in their lifetime.

The Gift of Listening is simply listening with a commitment to hear exactly what another person is saying. Hearing what they are intending to say but are not; even hearing what they are purposely not saying. More importantly, it is hearing what the other person is feeling … their words merely an attempt at expressing those feelings. You may be feeling scared or mad or sad or happy. The artful listener will feel what it is you feel, and let you know the communication has landed.

Listening at this level requires, first and foremost, a commitment to “source” the other person. This is an emotional and spiritual gift. You must be willing to give the other person the validation, acknowledgment and esteem they are seeking.

Think about what really happens when two people come together in a conversation. They could be talking about the weather, sports, politics, business or simply what they did last weekend. Each person comes to the conversation with an unconscious addiction to “being heard.” They want the other person to hear their point, their story, their opinion, their accomplishments, and their feelings on the subject. They are usually politely persistent, and they want the last word.

Imagine what it looks like, sounds like and feels like to have these two agendas collide. Neither person is heard; neither is validated. Feelings are hurt or, at best, not nurtured. The result is an emotional train wreck. Empowerment, self-esteem, friendship, relationship and love are overlooked—or even damaged.

Giving the gift of listening starts with you setting aside, for the moment, your agenda to be sourced in a conversation.

Just make the commitment at the beginning of the conversation to have it be “all about the other person.” You do not have to do this in every conversation, just the ones in which your goal is for the other person to walk away feeling better about themselves than before they spoke to you. Funny, but in every case they will also feel better about you … much better than if you tried to create the same feelings by making the dialogue “all about you.”

The second thing you must do to listen at this level, is to start listening with your body, your heart and your intuition—instead of your mind.

The superficial way you and I were taught in school to listen, is with our conscious mind. That is the part of our mind that discerns between right and wrong, hot and cold, good and bad. It is the part of us that has formed opinions on everything we have ever heard, read, experienced or just thought about. Most of us go through life managing our affairs with all the information and opinions we have amassed in our conscious mind.

When using your conscious mind to listen, the result looks like an argument or a competition, or that you just plain aren’t interested. I tell you about my weather and you respond by telling me about yours. The thing is, I don’t care about your weather and you don’t care about mine. I tell you what I did this weekend and you think doing that is a waste of time. I tell you I think so-and-so should have done things this way and you disagree, if not verbally at least that is what you are thinking … and how you are listening.

There are other parts of you designed for far superior listening. Your body actually listens. It feels impressions of whether things said are true or false, authentic or contrived. It uses your emotions, your intuition, your unconscious mind all wrapped up in a spiritual self that, given the opportunity, can really hear the entire message. Again, it is hearing what is said, what is intended to be said, what is not said, and what is felt.

To give yourself the opportunity to listen with these tools, you must have a clear intention to use them and not use your conscious mind. You accomplish this by agreeing to source the other person. To do this you will want to quiet your mind. Listen from a clean slate. Wipe clean your opinions about this person. Wipe clean from your thoughts what you want out of this conversation, other than to completely and fully be there for this person.

Wipe clean the mindless chatter that keeps you from being fully present in this moment for this person and for what they want you to hear. This means if you hear your mind commenting on what the other person is saying, you stop yourself and recommit or “represence” yourself. Do this throughout the conversation as often as you need to, in order to stay present.

The third step to the Gift of Listening is to take a look at what is referred to as your habitual listening or your “already, always listening.”

Each of us has at least one habitual listening we use to filter conversations.

Habitual Listenings

I already know this; therefore, I do not really need to listen.
Get to the point. I do not have time for all the preamble.
I know where you are going with this and will help you get to the end.
Whatever you have, I have better. Hurry up and finish so I can show you mine.
I disagree with your position; therefore I will not listen further.
I am preoccupied with my own life story; I cannot pay attention to yours.
I am so overwhelmed with who you are, I cannot hear what you are saying.

Identify your habitual listenings and practice recognizing when they are in play. Knowing about them, and being willing to shut them off, is half the battle.

Here are some new Empowering Habitual Listenings you may replace them with:

I am here to hear all you have to say.
I am here to feel all you are feeling.
I am here to hear what you are not saying, as well.
I am here to source you, to empower you, to get what it is you want me to get about you.
It is all about you today.
Your story is the only story.
Your opinions carry opportunities for me to learn.
Your concerns are valid for you and today are my concerns, as well.
Today I see things through your eyes, hear through your ears and feel with your heart.
In this conversation, you speak and I listen … really listen.

The fourth step is to ask Hunch-Led Questions.

During these kinds of conversations you will feel questions that might be asked, either for clarification or to further the conversation down a path. Hunch-led questions need to be asked. Asking them will enrich the discussion. They are questions almost begging to be asked. They are, however, different from questions that you think up with your conscious mind.

The difference with Mind Questions is that they have an agenda to them. Mind questions think they already know the answer, and want to show they are right. Mind questions have opinions behind them. Mind questions have been thought out. If you find yourself entertaining any question that smells like this, do not ask it. If you find yourself with a hunch-led question ask it, even if you think it is too intrusive, too bold, or none of your business. If it is a hunch-led question, it is begging to be asked.

Listening at this level may seem like it takes a lot of energy and time. It may and it may not, depending on the person and topic. You can apply this level of listening to a 30-second conversation or a three-hour one. Either way you will provide the other person with an extraordinary experience.

The single most impactful word that describes what is accomplished here is “honoring” another person.

This is truly a spiritual experience for people, along the lines of unconditional love. Honoring people at this level is probably not something anyone has done for them since they were in the formative years with Mom and Dad, or the romance months of a new love. Applying this level of listening to any relationship—whether business or pleasure—will expand your horizons tenfold. You will have people wanting to be in your presence … for no other reason than they find you interesting and feel better about themselves when they are with you.

Although a lot of what is offered here may not have been used in the following story, it is a great testimony to the power of listening:

Be the Most Interesting Person They Have Ever Met

Decades ago the editors of Psychology Today magazine staged an experiment to establish the effects of listening and asking easy, probing questions. Staff members flew to LAX from New York. The editor flew in later, with the intention of meeting his seatmate and getting to know him on the five-hour flight. For the duration of the flight, the Psychology Today editor asked questions and listened. He asked more questions based on what he felt his seatmate wanted to talk more about, and avoided areas he felt he didn’t. His total “purpose for being” during the five hours, was to have the conversation be all about his seatmate.

As suspected, throughout the flight the seatmate never asked anything about the editor, not even his name.

As the seatmate disembarked the plane, the staff for Psychology Today was there to interview him. They simply asked him what he thought about the man seated next to him on the flight (the Psychology Today editor, whose name he did not even know). He responded: “He was the most interesting man I have ever met.”

Moral of the story: Being interesting may have nothing to do with your deeds, your opinions or your stories, but rather your interest in others.

In my brief 30-plus years of being in the supercharged people business, I have seen clearly that we spend most of our waking moments in an addictive unconscious quest to be known, honored and loved. We need to be trusted, admired and respected, as well. We go to great lengths to feed this addiction from the money we seek to earn, to the good deeds we make sure we get done, to the stories we tell of it all. Knowing how important it is to all of us, imagine how unique a gift you can be to your ever-widening circle of influence by just giving it to them in every conversation.

The gift of listening is the gift of healing.

– Richard

In the Top 1%

Richard Brooke — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 04:00:23 +0000

The Top of Your Team… Guaranteed

According to The Direct Selling Association, approximately 175,000 people a week enroll in a Network Marketing/Direct Selling opportunity in the United States … EVERY WEEK. And an additional 300,000 enroll around the world. That is almost 500,000 people a week worldwide. And the DSA, and its related global associations, can only really track DSA member companies which make up maybe 20% of the total. The point is, millions of people join an opportunity like this every month. Millions of “anyones” are signing on and investing a few hundred dollars in some kind of dream, whether it is just free product or a financially free future.

The number one criticism of our profession is the failure rate. And the “failure rate” IS dismal, if the standard you apply is that everyone is supposed to make money … even more dismal if everyone is supposed to “get rich.” Fortunately, the truth is most people who enroll are not expecting to get rich and would be very happy to just earn $500 or $1,000 month, long-term. But still, most people do not even achieve this. Why is that? The answer is simple.

Imagine you wanted to earn $1,000 a month part-time, working anywhere. What kind of interview process would you have to endure? What kind of orientation about the company’s culture and expectations? What kind of training program? Even Malmart greeters have to invest weeks in learning the tightly designed Malmart Way. And then, they have to pee in a cup.

How many hours a week would you have to actually show up on time, dress to impress, and stay on script? 20 hours a week times $10 an hour is only $800 a month, less FICA and taxes, and your new portion of the national debt ramp up. That is 4 hours every day, 5 days every week.

How much will Malmart pay you if you work for them 20 hours a week for a year and then ask for a month off? What will be your income for that 13th month … a pink slip?

I am often asked by distributors, “What does the average distributor earn?” The answer sets them back a bit. “Nothing.” The average distributor earns nothing, invests virtually nothing, learns nothing, practices nothing, risks nothing, and does nothing … all the while expecting to make it big like the company’s video suggested. Network Marketing is not an opportunity for someone of average ambition, average courage, average confidence, or an average work ethic. Malmart is.

Why? Because here, you don’t have to do anything. You can get in for virtually nothing, don’t have to do anything, and can quit without notice. It may look like a sink or swim environment … but, in reality, you can stand up and walk right out of the pool anytime you want.

This may all sound like bad news. In fact, it is a hallelujah. It is your e-ticket ride to freedom.

Here is how. By following these simple steps below, you can instantly be at the top of your class. If 1,000 people enrolled the same month as you, you can ensure a lock in the top 1% … actually, in most cases, the top 5/10th of 1%. 50 out of 1,000. And a year from now, by following the last two assignments, you can lock in as 10 out of 1,000 or 1/10th of 1% … True, rarified air and the income to prove it.

Here is how:

1. Document your Motive

You are enrolling for a reason. What is it exactly? Not your justification … like, you love the product or you like the people, but what do you believe to gain financially? How much income? What will you do with it? Why … why … why is that important enough to you, for you to engage in such an unusual career? Document it all. Add clarity and power to it by gathering photos that help tell the story. Get videos that bring it to life and music that drives it into your soul. You may choose to lazily think you cannot do this. What if I gave you $5,000 to have it all done by tomorrow night? Of course you can do it. Advantage Brooke. Send it to your business partners, so they know who you are in the game.

Why is this an important move? Because it keeps, in front of your face, the reasons you are doing this and on some kind of scale, how important they are to you. In your first year, you are going to encounter many really compelling reasons that visit your mind on why you should not do this. You only win if you have reasons why “to do it” to outweigh the reasons why not to.

2. Your Product Endorsement

You need it. Your business partners need it. Your company needs it. Your prospects need it and your customers need it. Document your product experience and give it to everyone involved. Update it, as needed. Did you know that 80% of distributors who love any product, in any company, never document and submit their product endorsement? Why? They don’t have to and they are not crystal clear about how doing it leads to others doing it, which all leads to a compounding effect on sales.

3. Your Story Letter

This is your most effective sales tool in print, audio, and video. This is the story about how you were approached and by whom. Why were you open? What attracted you to the product and your product experience? What was it about the income opportunity that led you past your bias and skepticism to Just Take a Look? What do you now know about the business model and what are you building? This is no more than one page … it is simple, tight, factual, and clear. It is not a sales pitch … it is simply your story. This sales tool, combined with whatever your company uses as the primary tool, will make the primary tool ten times more effective.

I know, you don’t like to write … you are not so good at it. Average. Do it anyway. Do it now. Do it like I was giving you another $5,000 cash to hand it in tonight. Get some help if you need it. Give them some of your $5,000.

4. Organize Your Names List

I know you have heard it 1,000 times if you have been in your business a week. There must be something to it. Your Names List is simply everyone who knows you. That is a larger list than who you know, especially if you have ever held any position of influence, or if you were just the most popular kid in class. Here is the format. Name, spouse’s name, both occupations, city, state, phone number, email, and, most importantly, “How do you know them?” This database must be in writing … both in a computer database and printed out on paper.

You have probably heard that “those who commit their goals to writing are 10-100 times more successful at achieving them.” It is true. And, since you are now in the business of Telling Your Story to people … whether it is one a day, two a day, or more, WHO you will tell your story to is your Primary Goal. They are your potential teammates. You are building a big team. You cannot do this alone. Your candidates need to be crystal clear on the forefront of your mind … all of them. The more of them there are, the more compelled you will be to get busy and invite them to Just Take a Look.

I once had a new rep in a training program who was taught all of this, but obviously only had average listening skills. One day, I asked him why he was only inviting one person a week. He responded that he had 12 people on his list, was enjoying working the business, and didn’t want to run out.

Putting 100 or more people on your clear and complete list is yet another piece of homework average … and even above average … Network Marketers fail to do. They just choose not to. They decide that they can succeed without it. They are Road Kill Wrong.

5. Make Your Strategy Meeting Happen

This is a crucial first step in getting started the right way and avoiding the pitfalls, wasted time, and fruitless efforts. Your Upline has experiences, skills, and perspectives that will save you a great deal of time and income. Listen to them. Give them a chance to show you how the business model can work for you. Resist the temptation to reinvent the wheel. Proven methods are exactly that; proven.

These five things can be accomplished in the same amount of time it would take you to be interviewed by a Malmart Supervisor 1/3 your age … 3 times … and by the time you have peed in the cup and they have gone over your credit report with a fine tooth comb. You could have it all done in a week or less.

If you had it all done in your first month, you would instantly be at the top of your class. Why? 95% won’t do it … ever. Guess what happens when you actually can check off 1-5 super-fast? A high percentage of people you enroll will too. Why? Because you will not tolerate them doing much less. You will inspire them with your example. You will build a team of 1%ers. Everyone will have their own pyramid … and you will have a field of them.

Now, fast-forward twelve months. Obviously, getting 1-5 done is critical, but once they are done, the Art of Networking and the work/fun actually begins. Do you want to be at the top of your class a year from now? Do you want to be at the Pinnacle of your Pyramid?

Here is how: Pick a Plan and Let the Plan Work You.

By doing this, you guarantee your success. I have been teaching people success in Network Marketing for 37 years. I have never seen anyone consistently invite 30 people a month, month after month, without building a nice team. I have never seen someone invite 60 plus people a month, for a year or so, without building an empire.

Simple as that. Period. End of Story … or the Beginning. Your choice.

-Richard Brooke

P.S.
One last thing … maybe you dream of someday being a master motivator or trainer … someone responsible for instilling belief in others and leading them to their dreams. Here is your guaranteed route. You can be there by year two. Keep your stats … on a spreadsheet. How many people you invited each month, how many presentations that resulted in, and how many of those enrolled with the appropriate kit to build their own business. One huge benefit of doing this, is you will know at the end of each month whether you are on track or just Average Joe. You can manage your own game and get back on track. 99% of every networker who thinks they are properly engaged in the game, are not … and the worst thing is that they do not know it.

P.P.S.
Second … with your stat sheet in your second year, you will be qualified to be the most influential, impactful, and credible trainer within 1,000 miles. Your confidence and statistical prowess will be unmatched … unless you happen to share the stage with one of your teammates who you inspired to do the same. Ergo, Giant Matching Pyramids.

Failure Is Your Option

Richard Brooke — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:35:52 +0000

You may have heard or experienced, most people “fail” in Network Marketing. Fail is not the best word to describe what happens. Most people who hear “fail” interpret that the participant lost money, hated the experience, would never try it again, or blames the system or the company for their failure.

People join a Network Marketing opportunity for one of three reasons:

1. To get the best possible price on the product

These are what we call wholesale customers. They are willing to call themselves a Distributor and purchase a “sales kit” in order to buy at the best price. Networkers and companies often encourage this move because a Wholesale Customer is much more likely to convert to an Active Distributor than a Retail Customer, and they are more likely to stay a Customer at the deeper discount.

2. To make some extra money

In a company where the culture champions “some extra money” and the product is relatively easy to sell, these people can make their extra money. A party plan focus is probably the best option here. People who join to make some extra money do not usually invest in the business beyond some product. They get their training locally, and for free, and they generate their own leads.

3. To build a Residual Income Empire

These are serious business builders who want to build a network of hundreds, preferably thousands, and if possible, tens of thousands earning them $5,000 – $50,000 a month in residual income and the ability to retire … meaning their income continues even if they do not.

Often times people will join hoping to build an empire, but soon realize it is not that easy and they drop down to one of the other levels of involvement.

Let’s look at the failure rate for each of these options:

Wholesale Customer

First, the failure rate of a Wholesale Customer is really dependent on the value proposition of the product. How well does it work relative to the cost and competition? That is all over the board depending on the product.

What is insightful here is to look at what failure means to this customer. If they fail, that means they quit using the product. What are the consequences to them? What have they lost? How is this a bad experience for them? The answers are obvious. There is no downside to being a customer and then not being a customer. There is no risk and no drama. Failure is not failure. It is a simple choice with no consequences to the participant.

Those that want to make some extra money

Those wanting to make a little bit of money have a moderate failure rate if the benchmark is … “did they make any money or not?” The equation is a simple one … how much did they spend in the effort vs. how much they earned. What is their net profit? As long as the Distributor can still see themselves actively pursuing the profit, the final answer is unknown.

What we do know is that participants do not actively engage pursuing “some extra money” for very long if they are not actually earning it. That would be like taking a part-time job and agreeing to show up even though you are not getting paid.

So, although the failure rate here is all over the map, the question to ask again is what are the consequences of failure? Did the participant lose money? Perhaps. But the safety nets are generous here. Every Direct Selling Association member company is required to repurchase any product or marketing materials that are unopened and current stock. Contrary to public perception, it is hard to actually lose money at this level.

Those that want to create a residual income empire

The third reason people join a network marketing company is to build a residual income empire. They understand the business model well enough to see how the geometric growth of their organization can lead to an income that survives, and even prospers, beyond their own individual efforts. This process requires 2-5 years of dedicated and successful efforts. It requires working capital for inventory, travel, entertainment, individual marketing, lead generation, and company events. A person might earn a net profit during their first year and they might not. Breaking even the first year is not a bad result in this effort.

The failure rate is certainly the highest for those people looking to build a fortune … as it should be. Freedom is not free and most people are not prepared to “enjoy” the price. Network Marketing is an open architecture business model; a concept Seth Godin so eloquently explains in the accompanying article (see link below).

Anyone can play. There are no qualifications, no interviews, no vetting. The investment reward ratio is often ridiculously out of kilter. For example, what one might be “hoping” for is to earn $5,000 a month in net profits and have it be residual … meaning the income has an asset value of $1,000,000. Yet, what that same person is willing to invest is less than $1,000 and less than 10 hours a week – and only for a few weeks until things don’t appear to be panning out. Both parties are responsible for this equation – the person who sponsored them into the company for too often suggesting one does not have to do anything except join and come to our fantastic meetings…and the Business Builder for hoping the same is true.

For more on this, please refer to Seth Godin’s article “Most people, most of the time (the perfect crowd fallacy).”

Here are samples of the reasons people fail at this level:

1. They treat it like a game, the Lottery, or a social club vs. a business.

2. They show up whenever they feel like it, whenever it is convenient, or whenever they get results vs. 10-20 hours a week no matter what.

3. They invest only what is easy and comfortable vs. whatever it takes. Easy in, easy out.

4. They do the business however they think it should be done vs. following the program the way it is working for others.

5. They use motivational approaches like “hope” and “try” vs. a Vision, a commitment, and a business plan.

In the days of the Wild, Wild MLM East and West, when regulations were non-existent, the ratios of people succeeding were actually much higher. One reason was, there were so few companies and no Internet to be distracted by the competition, that Distributors did not waste time marketing against each other and had few opportunities to switch companies. The other was, most “build it big” opportunities strongly influenced the Brand Rep to invest in $5,000-$25,000 worth of product. Therefore, people did not quit until they at least got their money back, and if they did quit … well, they lost a lot of money, as there were no buy backs in those days.

I personally purchased $10,000 worth of product in 1977, at the age of 22, when (at my full-time job) I earned $12,000 a year. I took out a 3rd mortgage on my home from my father. I then bought a brand new car, sold my home to pay off the product debt, and quit my job. After two years, I was about $25,000 in the hole. Had I quit, that is what I would have lost, plus the four years seniority at my job. Instead, I doubled down and borrowed more to stay in the game. My third year, I earned $100,000 (1979/80) and by 1983, I was earning $400,000 a year.

What do people lose when they fail at building their own empire? Perhaps a great deal. Perhaps they lose money, time, credibility, job seniority, and self-esteem. But what do they gain? I learned more about business, sales, marketing, communication, people, and, most importantly, ME in that first two years than in all prior 24 years combined. Sometimes, failure is a valuable part of our education. It is not necessarily a bad thing. But it is most certainly, in Network Marketing, a choice thing.

In the second half of this article, I will detail out how anyone can simply move themselves into the ranks of the 1%, and even 1/10 of 1%, and virtually guarantee their own success – making failure a distant option. The fact that most people fail actually creates a wide-open opportunity for you to succeed.

-Richard Brooke